Coming down after the literature review to refocus on “my Why” has been a trip. Though I truly consider myself to be an empath, communicating facts to people to change their minds seems like it should work! Take the example presented in How to Change People Who Don’t Want to Change. Smokers didn’t want to hear facts about smoking, even when presented by cute little children. Why don’t facts work to change people’s minds?
The head won’t go where the heart hasn’t been.
When it comes to changing anyone’s minds or behaviors – whether quitting smoking or trying to influence leaders in your district to adopt your implementation plan – “the head won’t go where the heart hasn’t been” (Harapnuik, 2015). In his post about called The Head Won’t Go Where the Heart Hasn’t Been, Dr. H says that
when you load people up on information – even if it’s correct and important – doesn’t create significant change (2015.) You need to connect to someone’s affective domains first: Their values, motivations, attitudes, stereotypes, and feelings . It’s like the saying “Maslow before Bloom’s” – you need to meet people’s physical and emotional needs before you can reach their cognition.
Why Ted Talks don’t change behaviors.
I love a good Ted Talk. They can inspire, delight, and teach. However, the Ted Talk Why TED Talks don’t change people’s behaviors didn’t surprise me after some of the readings and videos in my ADL class. On the other hand, why this is true surprised me and helped me make connections to some of the previous readings and videos. Tom Asacker (2014) reminds us that humans are not the same as machines. He says, “[Humans] aren’t fleshy machines who make decisions based on the facts. We’re mad, feeling creatures who are being pushed and pulled by our environment, by our instincts, our truths” (Asacker, 2014). Similarly, the quote from Zorba the Greek that states, “What a strange machine man is! You fill him with bread, wine, fish, and radishes, and out comes sighs, laughter, and dreams” (Kazantakis, N. 1996). We want to be like machines because machines make predictable decisions based on algorithms that we’ve programmed them to know. Humans on the other hand make decisions rather recklessly sometimes: Look at COVID, our response to climate change, and so many other examples. That’s because our decisions are based in: pleasure, control, and the story we tell about ourselves and others. Those things are not programmable. When you think about the fact each human views life from a unique perspective in which they are the protagonist, it’s a wonder we are such prosocial organisms! But alas, we are. So how do you convince someone to change, grow, and learn? Simple.
You appeal to their heart.
In the end, I actually have personal experience with getting two men in my life to quit smoking. One of those men is my father. Honestly, I think I convinced him to quit smoking by… well just by existing. I represent piece of his heart outside of his body, therefore my distaste for smoking made him rethink why he did it. I think parenthood is capable of making people face who they are. In my statements to him about wishing he would quit – because it was gross, because I didn’t like the way it smelled, and because it made me cough and hurt my lungs – I think I was able to touch his heart in a way that facts and a stranger might not be able to do. Parenting holds up a mirror the same way that only therapy can do. If you choose to look at the mirror, of course.
The other man I convinced to quit smoking is my husband. Again, it was because of love. This is more a case of time and patience. He sees who I am – someone interested in change and growth – and I think I inspire him to be a better person, as he does me. This created a desire for him to quit smoking. Again – not with facts, but by appealing to his heart. In both of these cases, the heart created the change and the head followed. Love will find a way.
I look forward to creating my video to communicate my ideas. And I think I know just how to do it:
- ❤️
- 🧠
References
Asacker, T. (2014, June 30). Why TED Talks don’t change people’s behaviors: Tom Asacker at TEDxCambridge 2014. YouTube. Retrieved December 4, 2021, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W0jTZ-GP0N4
Harapnuik, D. (2015, January 9). The Head Won’t Go Where the Heart Hasn’t Been. It’s About Learning. Retrieved December 4, 2021, from https://www.harapnuik.org/?p=5461
Kazantzakis, N. (1996). Zorba the Greek (C. Wildman, Trans.). Scribner.
Maxfield, D., & Grenny, J. (2015, January 5). How to Change People Who Don’t Want to Change | The Behavioral Science Guys. YouTube. Retrieved December 4, 2021, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ACi-D5DI6A